by choyoungkwan

Cougar Dating

It wasn’t all that long ago that the very idea of a mature woman dating a much younger man was strictly taboo. Nowadays, cougar dating seems to be very in vogue, even encouraged in some circles.

For some reason or other, the other way around has always been okay. Our society has long accepted men being coots (my word). Oh sure, we make fun of them and can’t believe that a woman half a man’s age can possibly care anything about him. Maybe, with cougars gaining popularity in the dating scene, we’ll have to rethink our preconceived notions of May/December romances.

One of the differences between coots and cougars may be the lack of commitment. While many older men often marry their young girlfriends, cougars are generally not looking for a long term relationship, although sometimes it does happen despite their original intentions. Mostly, they are looking for some fun, both in and out of the bedroom.

Cougars tend to be divorcees, fit, and financially sound. They are irresistible to young men looking for a mature, confident woman to spend time with.

One thing that boy toys (sometimes called cubs) like about their cougars is the fact that they can carry a conversation. Many young men find it frustrating when talking to women their own age, especially because of their tendency to giggle, and express their insecurities.

There are many pluses to cougar dating in addition to the ones already mentioned. Dating a younger man can be exciting. For an older woman to be desired by a good looking, passionate man who previously in history was considered off limits, is down right sexy, and you can bet that there is no Viagra needed. That hard bodied young stud doesn’t need it.

For the mature woman not looking to settle down, cougar dating may be ideal. She can enjoy her cub’s company, and move on when the relationship has run its course. This can be perfect for the young man, as well, especially if he wants to start a family some day. The couple get to enjoy each other for awhile, and no doubt learn things about a relationship that will help them in future.

If there is one caution about cougar dating, it would have to be to guard your heart. When two people get along well, laugh a lot together, have an amazing sex life, and can communicate openly and honestly with each other, there is the possibility of falling in love. If it happens for you both, that’s great. However if not, there will be the heartbreak that is typical of any relationship where one person has more invested emotionally than the other.

So, is it worth it to engage in cougar dating? Women say, “Definitely”. Most young men would answer with a resounding, “YES!” Which ones? Come on in and see.

Cougar Dating

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By Dan Koday

Watch Cougar videos in the news

Cougar Moms!

It can seem like it’s your mom’s job to mortify you. But a new wave of moms is doing more than making you blush: They act so sexy and flirtatious, they make you question their judgment — and your own sanity.

When Bri, 16, started high school, she thought it was cool that her mom was so much fun to hang out with. "My parents got divorced when I was 6, but high school is when it actually started to seem like a good thing — I was grateful to have a mom who wanted to shop at the same places and see the same movies I was into," she says. "I felt like we suddenly had so much in common, and I could tell her anything and she’d understand." But after a few months of sharing clothes and gossip, things started to take a turn for the worse: Bri’s mom went from shopping at the same stores as Bri did…to flirting with the same guys. "Now I can’t go anywhere without her flirting with every guy she meets. One of her recent boyfriends was 23. After that, she started going to my brother’s hockey games to flirt with his coach — who’s 12 years younger than she is — and they started dating." Bri says she wishes her mom would change — but not because it embarrasses her in front of her friends. "The truth is that my friends think my mom is so cool and pretty, and my guy friends think she’s sexy. My ex-boyfriend used to joke about getting with her! But I don’t want my crushes crushing on my mom. I feel like I have to keep her away from my new boyfriend to keep him from paying more attention to her than to me."

Bri’s mom is the perfect example of a cougar: an older woman who’s into (and almost seems to hunt down!) way younger guys. Lots of girls say their moms are on a cougar kick too: Meghan, 17, says her 46-year-old mom dated the same guy who’d dated one of her 18-year-old friends; Hunter, 18, sometimes feels as if her friends like her cougar mom more than they like her; and Jessica, 16, reports that ever since her parents got divorced last year, her mom "dresses up in short skirts and dates guys who are barely 25, then tells me everything about her sex life. It’s so awkward." The truth is that you want to be open with your mom — but it feels unsettling if she’s that open with you.

 Cougar Nation

Of course, not all cougar moms — in real life or in Hollywood — have completely crossed the line. Take Courteney Cox’s character, Jules, on Cougar Town: She’s the kind of mom who, like so many out there, get out of a bad marriage and just want to look and feel their best. Maybe the cougar mom you know got married young and never had a chance to date around. Or maybe since her kids are busy with school and their own social lives and don’t need her as much anymore, she needs something to fill her time. All that freedom also explains why she has more time to take care of herself — shopping, working out, Botoxing…whatever it takes to look and feel young. "My mom had me at a young age and had to step up to the plate and take care of me. Now that I’m older, my mom loves to party, shop, and date, and I don’t have a problem with it," says De’Junique, 17. "It’s nice to have a mom who’s young and outgoing. I call her my Triple Threat — she’s a mom, a best friend, and like a sister. I can tell her anything, and even my friends tell her personal stuff."

Wild Cougars

Still, girls who are cool with cougar moms are the exception: The majority of girls who shared their stories with Seventeen wished their moms would change their embarrassing ways. Take Erica, 17. After her parents split up two years ago, her mom dyed her hair blonde and started wearing clothes "so tight they could be mistaken for a second skin." But that wasn’t as traumatizing as what she says her mom started doing next: partying all night at clubs and sometimes not even coming home. After a few months, Erica says her mom even drained Erica’s college tuition money to buy herself breast implants. "One night, a friend called to tell me she saw my mom leave a club with some guy," Erica says. "Hours after the call, my mom still wasn’t home, so I made my dad drive around town with me to look for her — I was worried she could be hurt or in an accident." When Erica arrived at the club to look for her mom, she found her — in a car, hooking up with a guy who’d recently graduated from Erica’s high school! "I was so humiliated and angry. I shouldn’t have to be a 17-year-old babysitting a 40-year-old woman. It’s not cool at all to have a cougar mom. I feel totally robbed of being a teenager."

Not only does having a cougar mom make you feel like you’re not getting your fair chance to be the "kid" in the family, but it also makes you feel uncomfortable to be competing with your mom. Plus your mom is supposed to be the one reassuring you that you’re gorgeous and awesome — but if she’s the one who needs constant reassurance, it can make you feel even more insecure and upset. But some moms do change. Jessica, 17, says that after her parents’ divorce, her mom was a total cougar. "She started dressing younger than she was and went through younger boyfriends like crazy," Jessica says. "I felt like her new life was more important to her than I was. But one day when she came out wearing a fishnet tube top and super-short shorts with three-inch heels, I flat out told her, ‘Mom, you look like a hooker.’ She treated it like a huge wake-up call, and it got us talking. I told her I understood it was hard to be single, but that she’d changed too much from the mom I could depend on, and that I missed her. Soon after that, everything changed: She broke up with her boyfriend, got a job, started acting her age, and made me a priority." Jessica says her mom is now showing her that she’s worthy of being trusted and looked up to. So maybe the secret to getting your mom to understand you is to try to understand her. Show her that you accept and love her — without judgment — and without any makeup, extensions, or that miniskirt you just know she borrowed from your closet.

Get Your Mom Back!

Here are the keys to having a great relationship with your mom — no matter what. Step 1 Have girl time: Instead of screaming at your mom or avoiding her altogether, ask her to set aside 20 minutes for the two of you this weekend — to go for a walk or for coffee or just to sit down in your living room. Step 2 Tell her what you need. Say: "When you act like this [tell her specifically what she does that upsets you], it makes me feel uncomfortable." Remind her that you need and love her. That will make her more open to your feelings, and less likely to feel defensive. Step 3 Don’t give up. If you don’t feel like you’re getting through to her, talk to someone else. You may feel embarrassed or protective of your mom, and not want to make her seem like a bad parent. But in the end, any mom-daughter relationship will be stronger and more genuine if you deal with your frustrations — instead of ignoring them or resenting her. By Dan Koday

Watch Cougar videos in the news

Have you ever felt “magic” with a man?

Like when the connection you and a guy share is so strong that something inside you just tells you’ve got something real and special.

That connection and chemistry is almost impossible to describe to someone who doesn’t have it, but it’s even more impossible to ignore when you’ve got it.

Even if you know the guy isn’t the right kind of guy to be wanting to settle down with.

You can’t stop thinking about the man and the connection – it’s like a spell over the both of you.

Infatuation, crushes, connections, chemistry or even the “L” word.

That’s right, LOVE.

At one time or another, one of these have had almost magical powers over you that make you see, feel and act in ways you never would have before.

Well, believe it or not, there’s other magic waiting for you beyond connections or chemistry when it comes to men, dating and relationships.

The best part is that you’ve got your very own kind of “magic” up your sleeve that you can tap into whenever you want and use it for your own immediate benefit.

What kind of magic and what kind of benefits you ask?

Using this magic could mean the difference between finding out any major issues a guy has before they become a real problem OR getting your heart broken and never have seen it coming.

Let me ask you…

Have you ever been with a guy and he seemed to have it all together?

He was caring, loving, generous, present and aware and you had such an amazing time together.

But then some of his issues popped up out of NOWHERE.

Maybe his issues were some of the dreaded and common ones we predictable and difficult men go through like these:

- He started getting restless and he talked about how he wasn’t really ready to settle down.

- He didn’t see things getting as serious as you did.

- The connection started fading. He didn’t try to connect to you much anymore and share his intimate feelings.

- You weren’t a priority. He wanted to spend his time with his friends or other people and didn’t value the time you spent together like you did.

- He started flirting, talking to or even getting together with other women even if he wasn’t technically “cheating”.

Recognize any of these?

What’s going on here?

Here’s where your “magic” comes in.

(When I say “magic” in this case, I mean something that will give you perception and insights into situations before and while they’re happening)

OK, you might already be thinking,

“Has he lost it?”

“What in the world is he talking about MAGIC for?”

“Who believes in that stuff anyways?”

I’m with you there…

The magic I’m talking about here isn’t that far out stuff about conjuring up spells or changing into an animal.

Let’s leave that kind of magic to Harry Potter and your imagination.

The magic I’m talking about is different and exists in the real world, but it’s just as amazing.

And it centers around an important idea-

*You instinctively know more about what’s going on in the world around you than you or your conscious mind fully recognizes.

Wow, getting pretty heavy here.

Don’t worry… I’ll bring this back down to earth and land the plane quickly. And that’s where this will get fascinating…

Here’s the kicker-

You ALREADY HAVE this magical ability.

All you have to do is tune into it.

Easier said than done, right. So how does that work?

This “magic” is something that comes “pre-wired” in your brain because of the way your consciousness and your subconscious mind is hooked up to the rest of your complex body systems and senses.

So the good news is that this ability is there for you anytime you want to use it.

But the bad news is that you have to take time to fully tune into it and recognize your ability. Kind of like a practice.

Music is a good analogy for this – You can’t just pick up an instrument and start playing, right?

But once you start to become more aware of the instrument, the music and how to play, things start to naturally fall into place.

Sounds, melodies and rhythms just start to flow out of you while you’re in the moment.

It’s like they appear out of thin air and nothing could feel more natural. And your mind is able to process all the information coming at it and use it to anticipate what’s next.

Well, this is EXACTLY what this magical ability of yours is like.

Your mind is constantly picking up on information from your environment, even when you’re not really conscious of it.

And all that information is being “processed” over and over to try and calculate the risk, danger, and expectations from your environment to try to find a way towards the outcome you want.

So let’s get to it. What is this “magical” ability?

And why am I talking about it?

Well, I’ll start with what the ability is…

**INTUITION**

You’re probably already familiar with the word.

But stop right there…

When you hear the term “intuition”, it’s easy to attach all of your previous feelings and beliefs about it and dismiss it as some kind of new age “flaky” stuff.

I hear you, but indulge me here by keeping an open mind for a few minutes- I’ll make it worth your while.

How?

Well, to put it simply, you’d be cheating yourself by not spending the couple of minutes or so that it takes to open your mind to the natural power of your intuition and how to tune into it.

And that couple of minutes could help you solve some of the age-old challenges women have about knowing and understanding what’s really inside a man’s heart and mind.

I mean, it’s not like men make it very easy for women, right?

I don’t have to tell you, but MEN ARE BAD COMMUNICATORS when it comes to their feelings, emotions and intentions around love and relationships.

So knowing that men are often this way, you have a choice here:

You can either do nothing about it and continue to be shocked, frustrated, surprised and hurt by the things you find out about men after the fact.

Or…

You can start to create a more perceptive and insightful way of being in your own life and relationships by using more the natural intuitive abilities you already have.

Which one will it be?

Cool… so you’re ready to tune into your own intuitive ability.

Good call – let’s get rolling.

Using Your Intuition With Men And Dating

Using your intuition might be the best, and in some situations the ONLY, way that you’ll be able to see through all the external “behavior stuff” going on with a man and get to the truth of what’s really happening inside his mind and what his behavior is when you’re not around.

Like when a man plays hard to get, or he doesn’t call you much or initiate, or when a man gets close and then withdraws from you right after.

Why do men do this?

For each one of these I’ve got some interesting insights and theories that can help.

But…

From my perspective, there are some extremely important concepts that you need to understand before you can really “get” where a man is coming from or understand what his behaviors and issues are all about.

First, you need to build your foundation of understanding and make sure your own personal belief systems aren’t all mixed up. If they are, there’s no way for you to see the real “cause and effect” around you.

You’ll just see what your mind is fearful and afraid of, and it will only pick out and see what it knows from the past.

Which is usually is a result of a few things you’ve experienced before.

Including good relationships, bad relationships, pain, broken trust, destructive behaviors, etc…

Humans learn in all kind of fascinating ways, but not all of them produce decisions and conclusions that reflect the reality of what’s actually going on.

That’s why I find belief systems so fascinating. Our minds basically act as giant pattern recognition machines – which can either lead us to right or wrong conclusions and ways of perceiving our environment.

But let’s bring this back down to earth…

Do you know anyone women close to you who’ve had difficult relationships in the past?

And now they often have unfounded and negative fears about any man around them?

Their past experiences have had a huge impact on their personal beliefs and how they see themselves and the world.

Anyways, before I get even more off on a tangent-

I’ve got to get on with it, so I’ll need to give you abridged version. In other words, the very shortest route to get away from counterproductive thoughts and beliefs you might already have and onto positive results.

Here are some of the most important concepts you’ll need to keep in your mind as you move towards listening to and using your intuition with men:

1. Men Don’t Make Sense

All those frustrating things that men do that don’t make any sense to you as a woman will NEVER MAKE SENSE. Stop trying to make sense of them for yourself. Trying to make sense of a man in your own terms is entirely counterproductive and gets little or no results other than you becoming increasingly frustrated.

There’s a better way.

2. You Can’t Figure Everything Out

Have you ever REALLY hit it off with a guy but after a few weeks or months, even though things seemed great, the man pulled away and starting acting distant and cold?

Most men, at one time or another, do things like this that are ridiculous and impossible to figure out. So EXPECT to NOT UNDERSTAND everything a man does. If you can become more comfortable with the idea of not knowing everything about WHY a man does what he does, then you’ll feel a strange sense of calm relaxation – along with an increase in your own self-confidence.

I’m not saying that it’s OK for a man to do whatever and that you should accept any negative and withdrawing behaviors without bringing it up and confronting it.

You absolutely should take notice and make mention of these things when you see them.

But the more relaxed and positive you can think and feel around these things, no matter what the man is doing, the sooner you’ll stop fighting everything in your mind and start creating better situations for yourself.

It’s frustrating and counterintuitive, but accepting what’s going on and moving forward from that reality in a positive way changes the whole frame of the situation.

But some women get stuck in the “I need to understand why he does this and THEN I’ll figure out what to do, think and feel” mindset.

This almost never leads to clear thinking and positive action. Remember, men don’t make any sense. So don’t depend on their actions making sense for you to develop your own opinions, judgments and next steps.

Pay attention to your gut, what you want in your life and what you know is right instead of rationalizing and finding a way for it to all fit together and be OK.

3. Ask Yourself Questions, Be Patient And Your Intuition Will Talk

Your intuition talks to you through feelings, images, and bodily sensations such as “gut feelings”. Learn to pay attention to what these are trying to tell you and what’s going on when they pop up in your mind.

Maybe you’re being more open and relaxed when those intuitive gut feelings come to you – so try to get back to that place more often. This way you’ll end up being able to tap into your intuition more often when you need it.

If you don’t think you have a strong intuitive sense, simply try asking yourself more questions and keep them mulling around in your mind.

When you’ve got something in the back of your mind, something amazing happens without you even trying.

Your brain takes notice and uses all your senses to find any sign or trace of information that relates to your questions as you go about your day.

It’s kind of like a search running in the background on your computer – even though you’re doing something else it doesn’t stop looking.

After you’ve asked your questions, your mind will start sending you ideas, feelings and images without you even thinking about it. But sometimes this takes more time than you’d like.

Finally, your intuitive voice will eventually just pop up and start to give you hints and information without you even asking for it. And then it’s up to you to pay attention, acknowledge it and make good use of it.

4. Think Positive – Don’t Fill Your Mind With Fear And Doubt

Some women end up worrying almost obsessively that something is wrong or going badly with a guy they’re interested in or dating once they see some negative sign or pattern.

And once this happens, they want to know what’s going on so intently that they start letting their negative and obsessive thoughts take over.

If you want to be able to use your intuition, you need to start interrupting that voice in your head that’s the “fear-monger”.

You know the one – that voice that’s always worrying just to try and keep you safe and protected.

The thing is, you can’t find the truth in a situation if you if your mind is buried in your fears and doubts.

Just like how overly arrogant people can be misled by their false sense of belief in themselves.

Keep a balanced and objective mindset.

5. Start With Smaller, Less Important Questions For Your Intuition To Answer

If your new to using your intuition or you’re concerned with if or how to act on it, start with smaller things that might be less important – like whether or not you should go away for the weekend or if your friend will like the gift you’ve been thinking about for them.

That way, you can be practicing and learn to use your intuition without doing it in high-risk or high-pressure situations. This will help you develop your abilities and become more comfortable to trust what you find with your intuition.

6. Act On Your Intuition With The “Long-Term” In Mind

Years ago I had a huge learning experience when it came to using and listening to my intuition in the right way.

The situation came up when I was worried that a few people I worked with, who were my managers at the time, we’re talking about me and scrutinizing my work more closely than they had before.

Feeling and sensing the scrutiny, I immediately felt worried about my job and wondered if they were thinking about letting me go.

The company had laid off several employees a few months before, so I began to think that their extra attention to my work must have something to do with another round of cost-cutting.

Anyways, aside from my own professional insecurities at the time, my gut told me that something bad was coming.

So what should I do?

I was really worried.

I decided to push myself even harder at work to try and show them how valuable I was in hopes that I would keep my job. But that uncomfortable and nervous feeling in my stomach that came with my intuition about their scrutiny of my work stayed with me for the next several weeks.

Well, it turns out that my managers were watching me and judging my performance. But it wasn’t for the reasons I feared.

A few weeks later I was called into a meeting with the managers who had been watching me closely.

Walking down the hall to the meeting, I had a lump in my throat and a turning stomach.

My intuition was leading me to the conclusion that this was it – I was getting fired for the first time in my life.

I couldn’t believe it.

So I walked into the meeting feelings anxious, defensive and tense.

As I sat down, one of my managers could immediately sense my discomfort and asked me what was wrong.

Without provocation, I immediately started defending my job and showing my insecurities.

My emotions got the best of me and I even said a few negative things about the managers themselves, as I wanted to place what I saw as equal blame on the managers for the companies problems.

They quickly stopped me once I started into these issues.

Then they let me know that they had been watching my performance because they wanted to put me in charge of a new division. They wanted to be confident in their decision so they paid extra attention to my work to be sure – and now they were.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief and my mood completely changed.

End of story.

Thinking back, my intuition had alerted me so that I’d be aware of what was going on.

But the mistake I made was taking that information and using it to justify my own fears and insecurities.

If I would have taken the information, been patient with it and applied it towards my goals in a positive context, then the entire experience knowing that the managers were watching my work would have been fun and enjoyable.

But I didn’t use my intuition to see my way to something better, I simply used it as a means to worry and stress myself out.

So all this talk about intuition.

How does it really apply to the men in your life, dating and relationships?

Well, take a man with some of those common negative behaviors we were talking about earlier-

- fear of intimacy
- inability to commit
- flirting, cheating

Intuition can help you see past these things and understand them in the larger context of the deeper real “psychological and emotional stuff” that’s hiding beneath the surface.

Your intuition could even help you cut through a man’s ego and persona to get to the real person that’s hard to find.

I bet you’ve known a man who other women think would never settle down or have a sensitive side. But you’ve seen that this actually does have more long term intimate feelings and emotional attachments buried underneath.

Intuition is probably the best tool for being able to identify good and bad qualities in a man – and knowing them for what they are.

A man’s external or surface behavior and attitude can be very different than his deeper desires and intentions – as you probably already know.

Some men are, unfortunately, just good at playing the part of an emotionally stable, available and loving guy for a while, even if they aren’t.

So it’s really up to YOU to learn to get to the “deeper emotional truth” of any man you’re interested in or dating.

And yeah, I know men can be sooo frustrating for women.

In a better world, men would be able to tell you honestly and sincerely where they were at.

But as you know, MEN SUCK sometimes.

They can be HORRIBLY out of touch when it comes to feelings and emotions.

So if you’re constantly surprised, blind-sided or confused by what people around you do, (most of all men) then it’s time to get in touch with the amazing intuitive ability you have waiting for you.

To take your intuition to the next level – the more you already know the better.

For some of the best knowledge out there on what’s inside a man’s mind, how to identify good men (or the wrong guys), and to read more about the common behaviors most men have when they’re either smitten with a woman or desperately unable to get it together, then check out my ebook “Catch Him And Keep Him”.

You can check out all the details here:

Thanks for reading and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

I’d like to tell you a story…

It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man.

At first, he was just another attractive man… but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him… and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.

But there was one problem.

As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.

Why?

Because she couldn’t tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.

Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.

There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him… and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.

But something was wrong with the picture.

He just wasn’t acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.

And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.

The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself… and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn’t ask her out.

Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her.

After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the same way.

So she made a bold move.

She TOLD HIM how she felt.

She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.

He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.

But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn’t call her and wasn’t really “available” to her.

This only confused the woman more.

She didn’t know how to take it…

Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?

Did it mean that he wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship?

Did it mean that he didn’t love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?

Did it mean that she hadn’t tried hard enough?

Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?

She finally decided that she couldn’t go on like this anymore… she had to be with him.

She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him… so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter… again confessing her feelings.

And then, something unthinkable happened.

Either he didn’t reply at all… (Ouch!)

Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.

Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before reaching him.

He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I’ll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”… and hung up… but she never got a call back.

Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong… and what happened.

THE END…

OK, I’m back.

Now, wasn’t that a sweet story?

Heartwarming, huh?

I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-up writing romance novels…

Now, let’s talk about that story.

That story is basically a MYTH.

But I’m not talking about FICTION here.

I’m talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.

And why does this particular story resonate for some women?

Because lots of women have been there in one way or another… at one time or another… and many have been there OFTEN in their lives.

Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power, is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs… as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it brings back…

Stories and situations like this one, really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.

In this particular situation, I think there is a solution.

It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of WOMEN DON’T GET.

That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn’t ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to confess her love, convince him to like her and court her, BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON’T WORK; they actually make things WORSE.

In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.

They make him run.

All of those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause the woman feeling them, to do things that make the man go away.

It sucks!

But it’s a strangely common dynamic, that also takes place inside dating situations and new relationships without women (or men) really being aware of it, and understanding what’s going on.

And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you, that I’ll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future…

And maybe you can start to understand what’s going on a little better, if you think about what it’s like when a man you’re NOT attracted to, desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.

Have you ever had a guy pursue you?

As he’s trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to get away.

Even if all he’s doing, is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you?

Strange and interesting…

Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction

I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always understand the message that we’re communicating to others…

So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message, that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we’re trying to say.

Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over-the-top sexy and wears way to much make-up?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don’t think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”…?

Yeah, I have too.

Well, here’s the deal:

If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” … but he isn’t open to the situation at that time, or he isn’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to backfire.

It’s going to trigger a feeling for the man, that I like to call the “Instant Ewww”.

The “Instant Ewww” is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

Once a man feels it, YOU’RE DONE.

It’s over.

It’s like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.

Once a man feels the “Instant Ewww”, he’ll start behaving differently.

In short, he’ll back off or even disappear.

So where did I get the concept of the “Instant Ewww”?

I got it from watching WOMEN.

I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word “Ewww”, when describing how they felt about a guy that was “confessing his love”… and of course, these were guys that weren’t loved in return by the woman.

Men do the same kind of thing with a woman they’re not attracted to.

Often they try to be “nice” about it. They let the attention pump up their ego a bit, and then they create what is often an unconscious barrier in their mind, that closes off communication or contact with her.

And the resulting vacuum sound you hear, is what’s happening as any ATTRACTION and interest he might have felt, evaporates.

So what causes the “Instant Ewww”?

And why would a man feel it, towards a woman who was trying to be nice… a woman who was giving him attention, a gift or telling him how she feels?

Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you’ll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you’ve created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless.

I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman.

And they usually know it from the beginning.

But now that you’ve started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you’ve created a NEGATIVE TENSION that can be VERY uncomfortable.

You’ve triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.

Here’s the thing…

You can’t “make a man like you” or “change how he feels about you”, by doing nice things for him.

Doing “nice” things for a man who isn’t attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the “Instant Ewww” feeling, that makes it so he’ll perhaps NEVER like you.

Men are the worst at this, by the way.

They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they’re doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They’re doing it, because they don’t have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

I mean, if you have a friend and you like them, and you want to make them like you more… and you do some nice things for them, they will probably like you more.

On the other hand…

If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn’t “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him, because you want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.

Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a guy.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you

Well, remember… if you follow this pattern, yourself, with men who aren’t already ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to BACKFIRE.

If he’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:

He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you like him>He gets the “Instant Ewwws” and withdraws…

THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer, is what to do if you’re in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don’t know if he likes you back.

DON’T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.

Don’t buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him or write him a love letter…

Don’t send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.

Don’t call him several times, without hearing from him.

And DON’T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.

If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.

As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels… and if you don’t know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a man if he’s interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.

Really.

The SECOND answer, is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why men have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.

One does that by knowing what you’re doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what’s the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you’d never ask…

Well, I’ve written about attraction before and I’ll write about it again.

In my eBook, I talk about some of the very best ways to learn how to make man feel ATTRACTION for you.

But above and beyond the meeting and attracting men “stuff”, I also talk about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term “stuff” around dating, and creating a solid foundation for a future relationship.

In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of a man to tell you the secrets and truths that lots of women will never know about.

The eBook is called “Catch Him And Keep Him”.

I’ve spent several years now, studying the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals”, communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.

The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to be around. And you probably know what I’m talking about, if you know any women who seem “lucky in love”. Where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.

And I’ll tell you… it’s not magic.

You don’t have to be gorgeous or young.

And you don’t have to be LUCKY.

What you DO have to do is LEARN.

It’s a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn it if she wants.

But you’re not likely to figure it out by “trial and error”. Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term aren’t “obvious”, at all.

In fact, many of them make no sense… and they’re the LAST thing you’d do in a particular situation, if you didn’t know the SECRETS.

For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.

It’s jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.

Go here to check it out:

Thanks and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Astrology And Love Advice for Women: How To Know If He’s All Right Or All Wrong By Carol Allen Tip: The most important thing in any relationship is how you FEEL with that person. But there’s just one little problem – your feelings constantly CHANGE, and may be LYING to you… They can also BIND you to someone you FEEL you’re supposed to be with but who only leaves you feeling bad, or keep you from feeling connected to the man who would treat you well. So, what’s a girl to do? Check out the stars, of course! To learn about an amazing compatibility report that’s based on an astonishing technique that’s almost as old as the stars themselves to see if a relationship can make you feel good without costing you your heart and soul, check out my free love and astrology newsletters here: Technology is such a great thing. If it weren’t for technology, we’d have no way to communicate like this… Okay, if you lived within a few miles of me, it’s true that I COULD send out smoke signals, or homing pigeons with messages tied to their feet, or magical owls with personal letters to you like in the Harry Potter books and movies, but the likelihood is we’d never connect at all. Now, years ago I actually sat on my floor in my living room and stapled and stuffed newsletters into envelopes, labeled and stamped them, and lugged them down to the post office. That was a lot of work! And you can bet I didn’t send them out every few days – it was every few months. When email came along I couldn’t believe how easy it was to stay in touch with people. In a matter of moments I could contact thousands of people at a time… It’s crazy, but in the Vedas (some of the ancient spiritual books of India, from which comes the system of astrology I practice and keep writing to you about) it talks about the different cycles of time here on planet earth. Right now our little ball of dirt is in a tough cycle (you’ve probably noticed) but also a time of magic. And I gotta tell ya – computers are magical. (As are televisions, and cars, and airplanes, and washing machines…) Take for example, these compatibility reports I’ve been blathering about now for months. When I first decided to offer them as a way for women to check to see how they’d feel in a specific relationship with a specific man, I wasn’t sure what to expect. The idea was for the reports to make it easy for a woman to have the answers she needed without having to contact a professional astrologer like me, while getting that caliber of advice and information. A good idea – but could it actually work? Could technology actually replace face or phone time with Yours Truly? (And would that really be a good thing?) Well, I’m happy to say that I can be outsourced after all! Feedback from real live women who’ve tried out The Right Man Report has been really great, and I’m actually very happy that this knowledge can be offered in this magical way… (So that I can reach more of you for a fraction of your time and moolachki. You know – your cabbage… ) Just this week I’ve received some great letters about people’s results that have helped me to feel ever more grateful to technology, so here are a couple: * * * * * * * * * * Carol, What a relief too look at all of this in reality; your report was wonderful. It really was accurate. It’s like a burden is lifted off our shoulders when you realize how discombulated it is the way people have traditionally looked at composites and given the whole relationship over to that… I have been following astrology like that for 17 yrs. and you are right!! best to you, Susan Isn’t that crazy? Thanks, Susan! When Susan says, "looking at composites" she’s talking about a chart created between two charts, that reveals the destiny of that relationship. This is a Western astrology technique, and I’ve actually found it to be pretty darn accurate. Astrology is soooooo vast and wonderful and full of endlessly helpful tricks and techniques. It’s just that Susan, being a longtime student of astrology, GETS IT… For relationships, there’s NOTHING like the the technique used in The Right Man Report. For years I used composites, and what’s called "synastry" which is when you overlay two charts on top of each other and look to how the different planets and houses between two people connect to tell you about their relationship – and they work. But the fifteen steps of The Right Man Report blow that stuff out of the water… In fact, I’ve had many other astrologers contact me utterly mystified about their own relationships, not understanding why they are the way that they are. And until I learned how to accurately apply this ancient, often confused wisdom, I didn’t have much new to tell them of value. It was like being a doctor without being able to run blood tests. I could look in their ears, and listen to their heart, but I couldn’t check their liver fat levels, or their cholesterol, or their triglycerides. In fact, until there was such a thing as blood tests, doctors had no way to know what was going on with such aspects of a person’s health, and so couldn’t tell their patients what to do, what to avoid, or even what was wrong with them. It’s like that. The Right Man Report is like doing a blood lab workup for your relationship. Or a pap smear… Or a mammogram. You get where I’m going here. So, most other astrologers don’t know this technique. Why do I? Because the best thing in my chart is the 9th house, which gives the best teachers, mentors, and access to THE TRUTH. Which comes in handy in my particular field of study… Now, sometimes I get bad feedback on The Right Man Report. Anyone who orders one can keep it and not be charged a dime if they just notify me and say, "Thanks, but no thanks." It’s been so nice to discover that very few people actually want their money back. But I’ve noticed a pattern with those that do – most of their reports that tell them they’re in a difficult relationship. Gulp. In other words, they don’t like BAD NEWS. (And really, who can blame them?) The hardest thing about my job is delivering bad news, whether it’s the REAL me, or the technical me! (At least if you’re sitting in my office, I can hand you a Kleenex tissue, and we can go make margaritas in my kitchen after the session…) But here’s why I got over hating delivering bad news long ago. It’s actually a HUGE relief to people to discover that whatever isn’t working in their life perhaps isn’t all THEIR FAULT. And that’s how it works with compatibility. Sometimes you can’t make a square peg fit into a round hole… (unless, of course, the peg is much smaller than the hole, but I’m getting off point). And I learned LONG AGO that knowing such things is EVERY BIT as valuable as getting a lot of great news that makes you wanna do the happy dance. And I’ve actually found that sometimes clients appreciate their bad news… Take for example this second letter: Dear Carol, Thank you for the Vedic reading…it seems to be very accurate… It began with the caveat that we were both antisocial and that it boded ill for Relationship. That all the favorable points, of which there were many [scoring high in Wavelength dept.] would only occasionally emerge in the face of the Moon stresses. The entire profile seemed so right on… I just don’t want it to be! I guess I am asking you, are the antisocial Moons insurmountable? What advice would you give me re: this? I am going to recommend your service to others as this has been most eye-opening. Sincerely, Marsha Marsha also gets it. I LOVE working with people who can admit things like this, and want to know the truth. Yay Marsha! As for her question as to the weak links in the report being insurmountable – here’s what I think… I have found after doing this work for seventeen years, and having many clients come to me year after year after year – some for over a decade – that this stuff works. And there’s not a lot we can do to change our stripes. That said, I’m also a big believer in the power of LOVE and the possibility for MIRACLES. My life is full of them! So, here’s what I tell women every day. CHARTS SHMARTS. If you feel you MUST do something, then do it. If you feel a huge connection to a man, but your report says you’ll have huge challenges but you don’t want to give him up – then DON’T. The reports were not designed to tell you who to marry or break up with. They are to help you SEE what your dynamics are with another human being with OPEN EYES. I want them to INFORM your decisions, not make them for you. I want them to help you to ZOOM OUT and see a relationship from a higher perspective, and be more of a witness to it all, so you can then take the appropriate action. As for what I’d advise Marsha – my best advice would be to tell her to become a RELATIONSHIP SAVANT. Relationship savants are rare. These are incredibly healthy, wise, evolved people who have grown beyond their own wounds and egos, to be able to have a great relationship despite problems and difficulties. These are the FEW clients that I’ve worked with over the years who have had very hard dynamics in their "Right Man Report" with a man, and they KNEW IT, but they weren’t caught up in the drama of it all. In fact, they were happy with him anyway, and they, "let love rule." How did they do it? What was their secret? I don’t know exactly, but ALL of them had fantastic relationship skills. They inspired me to learn all that I could about how to DO RELATIONSHIPS. And I learned amazing things… I learned that as much as fifty percent of all couples who end up divorced would NOT have ended up divorced, if they just took a weekend seminar with one of the top marriage institutes in the world (the Gottman Institute of Seattle, Washington) and learned good relationship skills. I learned that there are RULES to relationships and that if you follow the rules, relationships tend to work out. I learned that even bad relationships can become better, good ones can become great, and great ones can become transcendent – if at least ONE person learns how to lead the way to love. So I put the best of what I learned onto a double CD set called, "Soulmate Secrets – The Essential Relationship Skills Happy Couples Use To Stay Close And Connected." (I also explain many of these rules on my free newsletters. You can sign up for my free newsletters and order yours now by going here! And it covers all you need to know to be that rare, special, truly magical thing – a relationship savant! So Marsha – that’s what I’d do. And then see how "antisocial" you guys feel. You owe it to yourself to find out. Because you deserve to have love be worth it – not necessarily easy – but worth it. May God and his planets and stars shower you with love! Carol Allen