Cougar Dating Advice: Why Successful Women Fail With Men

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Hey,

Have you ever thought that some men just don’t
like strong smart women like you?

What’s up with that!?

Are men that weak and immature?

Well, let me ask you an important question
about the men and love in your life.

By the way, how you answer this question could
tell the difference between finding a fun, loving
and almost effortless relationship that works out
in the long term.

Or…

Being single and lonely because every man you
get close to ends up resisting and withdrawing
from the love and connection you know could be
there.

So here’s the important question I have for
you:

Does not having the love and relationship you
truly want in your life change how you act as a
woman?

Think about it for a second.

I’m asking, because I recently got an amazing
email.

In the email, a woman shares her realization
about herself and men that has changed her
attitude and perspective about love for the
better.

Check out her FASCINATING email….

>>>> Email From A Reader

Christian,

I found your book to be incredibly interesting and
quite insightful. Lots of moments of clarity on a
subject that is, at least for me, fairly foggy.
While I’m not exactly new to the dating game, each
experience I have had with dating, boyfriends and
even a fiancée has turned up new and exciting
horror stories. And then all of a sudden, I think
I see the light. In reading your notes about women
who subconsciously send signals of essentially
being too interested and men’s responses to them,
I totally saw myself.

While I am more than a little reserved about an
outright appearance of “needy” (I’m a very
attractive, well educated, highly successful woman
and I don’t NEED anyone…right??) I suddenly
realize, after reading your book, that my inner
emotional state is actually very high-pressure,
even if I try (probably unsuccessfully) to hide
it. It’s my inner control freak taking over. I
find myself dressing a little nicer when I think I
might run into the boy-du-jour. Positioning myself
in places where I might “run into” him (I swear
I’m not a stalker, but I think most women actually
engage in this kind of ridiculousness).
Fantasizing about my life with him in it. And all
of a sudden, there I am, trying to take control
and ensure the proper development of this
“relationship”. (of course- I’m always in control,
right? That’s how i’ve gotten so far in my career
and other areas of life…) And then,
inexplicably, the more I try to control the
situation by impatiently interfering with the
natural flow of things, the more I lose my
patience and emotional cool. My long-winded point
is, that prior to reading your book, I had not
been able to step back from my own issues enough
to realize that my “control” was actually making
me lose control.

Amazingly, this explains not only my own
relationship breakdowns, but those of most of my
gorgeous, successful girlfriends who also seem to
have no luck with men. We have successfully built
careers (and great figures) with hard work,
persistence, and ultimately achieving control of
our situations. It’s a pattern that has worked in
careers where competition and winning is key.
However, sometimes I think we view romantic
interactions with men, not as an interpersonal
communication in which we must evaluate the other
person’s point of view, but as just another part
of the life scheme that has been set forth for
every good superwoman- the significant other that
we are expected and expect to have. The problem is
that. you never “have” another person. Nor should
you. Your book made me step back and reevaluate
how I have been going about dating- as though it
was a means to an end. And I firmly believe that
this was the point of breakdown for me (and
probably for lots of other women). Dating must be
viewed as a means to a relationship with another
person, not as a means to HAVE that other person.
Thus, that person’s needs must be objectively
evaluated as very much separate from my own. If
men can be happy and even have a need to pursue
and compete, then why be readily available? It
just doesn’t make sense when you put it that way.
And you did.

As a result of your book, I truly believe I will
be able to reevaluate the way I look at the men I
date- as PEOPLE. With individual interests, needs,
wants, beliefs and expectations. Not as extensions
of myself (like MY career and MY home) that I
build based on my expectations, interests, etc.
Thank you so much for sharing your gift of a fresh
perspective, no doubt based upon plenty of
extensive research. I really think this will
change dating for me.

Sincerely, A.W. in
Missouri

>>>> My Response

Wow.

I love hearing from smart, analytical and
thoughtful women like you.

Thanks for being so open and sharing your
personal experiences… and for the feedback about
my book.

There’s something that’s really FASCINATING
about what you’ve brought up.

Over the last several 20 or 30 years, as women
have started to enjoy a more “equal” place in
society with careers, opportunity, etc., something
strange has happened.

Have you noticed that women are often no longer
considered “womanly” or “feminine” once they’ve
become independent and successful in their own
right?

I have.

And not coincidentally, everywhere I go I hear
women talk about how much it sucks that men are
intimidated by successful women and don’t want to
be with women who are on an “equal” or higher
standing.

Well, with so many women talking about this
phenomenon, I’ve thought a lot about how and why
this is happening to women.

And why men are responding the way they are.

How can being smarter, more independent,
talented, etc. than other women and other men
actually become something negative?

After lots of research, observation, and
personal experience, here’s what I realized about
the “plight” of the successful and independent
woman…

I’m about to tell you the reasons why
successful women often have a HARDER TIME than
other women finding love.

REASON #1: INDEPENDENT AND SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE
SMART ENOUGH TO BE DANGEROUS

Have you ever noticed that other smart and
successful women around you are often the ones
alone or in the least fulfilling relationships?

And have you ever noticed that no matter how
intellectually educated a woman is, it doesn’t
make her immune to the problems of love that a
broke or uneducated woman might face?

How can that be?

Does that mean an education and success is
worthless?

No. But it does mean that one doesn’t have
ANYTHING to do with the other.

Lots of women assume that since they’re
intelligent they can FIGURE OUT or solve any dumb
little dating or relationship dilemma.

They think that all it takes is enough focus
and determination and they’ll work everything out.

This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

You can’t “think” a man into feeling something
for you.

Just like you can’t get a man to treat you
differently just because you logically figured out
what’s wrong with him and let him know.

In fact, doing the latter is more likely to
have you standing alone in the cold than being
held tightly in his arms.

Being “right” doesn’t mean you’ll be loved.

REASON #2: BELIEVING IN THE “MEN DON’T LIKE
SUCCESSFUL WOMEN” MYTH

I can’t tell you how many women I talk to that
tell me how men are scared and turned off by, or
intimidated by, successful or independent women.

I get where they’re coming from, but they’ve
confused one thing for another.

The truth is, men DON’T DISLIKE successful
women. But they DON’T LIKE them either.

Let me explain…

It’s obvious in this day in age that being
successful and independent aren’t “male” qualities
that exclude women from being attractive if they
have them.

But here’s the thing…

Most men DON’T CARE how successful a woman is.

I literally mean it. They don’t care.

Here’s why:

No matter what a woman does for a living, and
no matter how much money she makes, none of that
is going to make a man FEEL anything for a woman.

Following me here?

Are you attracted to a man JUST because he’s
rich or successful or can buy whatever he wants?

Obviously not. A man’s success can add to his
appeal, but it doesn’t create it.

Men aren’t any different in how they feel about
women.

But lots of women who are successful, secretly
believe that their success should change how men
act around them.

And some women, just like men often do, start
to rely on their success to try and attract men.

The truth is, success isn’t going to turn a man
on or create a great situation.

If a woman doesn’t UNDERSTAND how to attract a
man and create a great relationship, becoming
successful isn’t going to change that.

But being a woman who LEARNS to ATTRACT men and
create the right situation for love AND also
happens to be successful will.

REASON #3: SUCCESS ITSELF WON’T GET YOU THERE

Being successful can be a nice quality or a
“bonus” about a woman, but inside a man’s mind,
success has nothing to do with whether or not he
feels ATTRACTION or LOVE.

But lots of successful women seem to be
disappointed by this.

Understandably, they’re frustrated that the
respect and status that they’ve earned at the
office or in life hasn’t translated over to their
love-life.

Even though in the back of their minds they
keep thinking that becoming successful has worked
for men all these years.

WRONG.

This isn’t how it works for men either, so let
me use that as an example.

Just because a man is successful or rich, a
genuine and open woman doesn’t care anything about
that.

She only cares about how he makes her FEEL.

Most women just want to know that a man makes
her FEEL ATTRACTED to him, and that he’s open and
loving and he’ll always be the strong and solid
person that he is today.

So even if a man is rich and handsome, if he
doesn’t LEARN to become a good partner who makes a
woman EXPERIENCE LOVE and FEEL ATTRACTION, then
the woman isn’t going to respond.

Like it or not, it works the same way for
successful women.

Success won’t buy you love, affection or get
you shortcuts to a great situation with a man.

It just might help get you in the door.

REASON #4: ASSUMING THAT SUCCESS “STRATEGIES”
CROSS OVER TO MEN AND RELATIONSHIPS

Successful women have obviously found and used
smart “strategies” to get where they are with the
people around them.

They try and test all kinds of new ideas,
approaches, attitudes, etc. until they find what
works and then they stick with what’s best.

And things go great. It’s like they’ve got the
world and everyone around them all figured out.

That is, until they run into a “guy-problem”
and somehow everything seems to instantly go
whacko and stop working.

So they just take their best strategy and try
harder and harder at it, sure that it will work
since they’ve seen the world open up to them with
it.

But there’s no results this time and it’s a
total shock to the system.

Men are the WORST at doing this by the way.

Tons of husbands come home each night and try
to run their family and marriage with the logic
and efficiency that they use to make things work
in business.

How do you think that works out?

REASON #5: SUCCESSFUL WOMEN OFTEN “ACCIDENTALLY”
PREVENT MEN FROM NATURALLY FEELING ATTRACTION WITH
THEM

Have you ever thought about how a man falls in
love with a woman?

One of the most important and central elements
of love that takes a man from just “interested” to
“in love” with a woman is experiencing a LOSS of
CONTROL and the absence of PREDICTABILITY with the
woman.

And no, this doesn’t mean that he gives control
over to the woman and she has it.

I’ll explain…

When a man is experiencing ATTRACTION and
CHEMISTRY with a woman and he DOESN’T know exactly
what’s going to happen next, then everything
becomes terribly exciting.

And if the woman isn’t acting controlling or
manipulative, then there’s a “space” or “void”
that’s created between the man and woman.

It’s this natural “psychological space” that
moves the man closer and closer to the woman as
he’s trying close the “emotional gap” between
them.

Then the man begins to wonder what he can do to
win over more of the woman’s affections and
attention.

And it’s this out of control feeling and the
desire to fill in the gap between himself and the
woman that starts the classic patterns of love.

Unfortunately, lots of successful women get in
THEIR OWN WAY and prevent the natural patterns
that lead to love from taking place.

The most common way that successful women get
in their own way is when they starting doing
things to control each and every aspect of what’s
going on between her and the man.

*Cue the semi-obsessive behaviors like those
that the reader mentioned in her email.

Like plotting to be where a man will be and
then pretending to have “run into him”.

I think a lot of us can identify with that kind
of behavior in one way or another.

The problem with these kinds of behaviors is
that they do something damaging to us when we use
them.

These are self-manipulations that stir up all
kinds of anxiety and distance in your own mind.

AVOID THESE kinds of things, because they only
lead to more obsessive worrying and more plotting.

It’s part of what’s called a negative feedback
loop.

What’s most important here is that these
behaviors do an almost perfect job of destroying
the “tension” a man and a woman both feel when
there’s a “natural” flow of energy between them.

REASON #6: SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE USED TO BEING
IN CONTROL

Most mature women want to have a great
relationship and continually experience deep love
and intimacy once they’ve found a worthwhile and
attractive guy.

But often times their desire to have their
ideal situation is so strong that it can actually
drive them to try and CONTROL the situations
they’re in and the man they’re with.

Successful women have an uncanny ability to
pull together every aspect of their life and make
it work.

But what happens when successful women who have
been gracefully in control of their lives get into
a situation where they can’t CONTROL the outcome
and the other people involved?

What happens when there is NO LOGICAL SOLUTION
or straight-forward answer that will make things
work out the way they’re used to?

What happens when they get involved with a man
and things are no longer within their ability to
control?

In these situations, successful women often end
up feeling completely OUT OF CONTROL and begin to
panic.

And then FEAR kicks in because they’re not used
to not having total control of their environment.

So they start doing whatever they can think of
or what works for them in other situations in
order to try and get CONTROL back in their lives.

Of course, what they often do to try and regain
control is negative, fear-driven, and doesn’t take
into account the feelings and desires of the
man… and so it backfires.

The man freaks out, he sees her as “crazy” and
then he withdraws.

You might unfortunately already know that
story.

What’s fascinating here is that the woman’s
attempts to CONTROL are often more DESTRUCTIVE
than they are productive.

Trying to CONTROL how a man feels, what he
thinks and how he acts around them, not only
doesn’t usually work for women – it often works
AGAINST them and repels the man.

REASON #7: THEY FALL INTO THE TRAP OF USING
“MASCULINE ENERGY” TO SHAPE THEIR LOVE-LIFE

The energy, drive, focus and discipline that
can push women to success in their work can be a
potent force to create the outcomes they want.

Unfortunately, this same attitude and approach
DOESN’T translate over to getting outcomes women
might want with men, love and relationships.

In fact, this attitude often becomes an
obstacle to creating an intimate and loving
situation with a man.

Successful women often make the mistake of
approaching men and relationships with the same
kind of intensity and energy that they seek to
influence or control things at work.

They start to lead their interactions,
conversations and decisions with men with what I
call “masculine energy”.

This energy is very direct and purposeful and
it has an amazing ability to motivate and push us
to overcome and break through barriers.

But it isn’t the energy that creates an intense
and LASTING CONNECTION with a man.

The “feminine energy” is the energy that
attracts a man and can lead and TEACH him how and
why to stay open to a woman.

This feminine energy is what shows even the
most clueless and reckless of men how to become
great and loyal partners – just like it’s the
masculine energy that ATTRACTS women and shows
them a man’s strength, love and character.

Now, I’m not saying that women don’t and
shouldn’t have masculine energy. Lots of
attractive and interesting women are full of
masculine energy.

But I’ve learned that women can be VERY
SUCCESSFUL and have AMAZING LOVE LIVES by knowing
when to use masculine and feminine energy.

The key is awareness.

So let me ask you….

When a woman uses or leads her interactions
with a man with their more “masculine” energy,
what happens?

Most men aren’t able to open up or attach and
connect with a woman who’s meeting them with their
“masculine energy”.

It doesn’t make a man FEEL close, comfortable,
trusting and it doesn’t draw him in to connect
with her.

In fact, lots of men react NEGATIVELY to women
who present them with a lot of masculine energy.

When some women talk about men not liking
successful women, this is what they’re talking
about.

Men don’t like the masculine energy that a
woman is putting in place of something WAY MORE
IMPORTANT to a man:

How ATTRACTED he is to her and how she makes
him FEEL.

So let’s wrap this up for now…

One of the most critical things that I see
successful women “missing” in their interactions
with men, dating and relationships, is the idea of
creating “Intellectual Attraction” – and using
their natural “feminine energy” to do so.

A man might enjoy the idea of a woman being
successful, but it isn’t going to make him think
about her like he might a woman who pushes all his
male buttons.

A man doesn’t think, “Gee, she’s got a great
job, makes good money and doesn’t depend on anyone
else to support her, I think I’ll be into her.”

Actually, it’s the exact opposite.

A man sees or meets a woman and Wham!

He instantly falls for her, and he can’t
exactly explain why.

And that’s because there is no reason or logic
to why it happens – it happens inside a man’s
mind.

When a man becomes attracted and interested in
a woman, it’s because his FEELINGS and EMOTIONS
were TRIGGERED by something about the woman.

And no amount of logic, analyzing, convincing
or “success” in a woman’s life can control this.

If a man doesn’t FEEL IT for a woman, nothing
else will do the trick.

But if a woman CAN make a man feel attraction
for her, then it doesn’t matter how successful,
gorgeous or shapely she is.

After years or research and observations, I’ve
finally “cracked the code” on what actually works
to trigger ATTRACTION in men.

And you’d be surprised to learn that ANY WOMAN
can learn what these triggers are and how to start
learning to use them in her own life and
relationships.

Of course, I’m not just talking about that
“one-night stand” male kind of attraction.

That’s easy. Seduce a man.

I’m talking about the “long-term-he-stays-up-
all-night-thinks-about-her-all-the-time-and-does-
crazy-romantic-boyish-things-just-because-he-has-
to” attraction.

That deeper and more intimate “relationship
material” attraction.

I call this “Intellectual Attraction”.

In my ebook I talk about how any woman,
including an analytical, successful and driven
woman, can learn how to avoid all the common
obstacles to love that they put up in their lives
that men respond negatively to.

I discuss specific steps and theories about how
to find and identify that great guy, build intense
passion and attraction and turn all that into a
great long term situation with a man.

So what do you have to lose?

I’ll even let you try my ebook free just to see
if you like it.

If you don’t, all you have to do is email and
I’ll give you a full 100% refund… AND you can
still keep the book.

That means all YOU have to do is be willing to
open your mind to the idea that your love life can
be better than it is right now.

And believe that you can have the chemistry,
lasting attraction and love that you deserve.

So go check out my ebook for free and be on
your way to the next great phase of your love-life.

Go here now:

And best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter