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The Myth Of Dating Older Women Or Cougers

SajaDuarte — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 09:22:34 +0000

The Myth Of Dating Older Women Or Cougers

Older women who date younger men are often called “cougars” in the media. This somewhat predatory name gives them a slightly negative connotation. As if they are preying on younger men when this is in fact not always the cease. The truth of the matter is sometimes younger men prefer older women. In truth older women have a lot to offer a younger suitor and they in return have many things to offer an older woman.

Older women have often already been in one or multiple serious and committed relationships. This makes them old hat at dating and also for the most part means that they know what they want from a partner. It also pretty much ensures that they are not looking for someone to simply support them financially or to take care of them. Older women have been doing this on their own already and are now looking for someone to share their time with. They are looking for someone to have fun with and connect with.

Dating older women is a nice change for most young men as younger women who may not have been in a serious relationship before and are unsure of what they want from a mate. Or who are looking for someone who is going to support them. This is not the case for all younger women as many of them can offer the same things that an older woman can to the relationship. Women are women after all. Dating an older woman gives men an opportunity to date in a “games free zone”, meaning that all the drama that they may be used to in dating a younger girl is not present and they can focus on just building a relationship with the other person.

A younger man also has benefits for the older woman as well. As woman age differently than men it is very possible that an older woman is just hitting her prime when and man her own age will be over it. They are often ready to either start families or if they already have them are not under any pressure to make another one. Either way this can be a boon for the younger man who’s feelings can very easily match up with hers.

Older women often use the Internet to announce their single status and look for dates. They can also use matchmakers as they would be attracted to the professional feel of them and the fact that using one signifies that the people she will meet are serious about their desires. As said before older women do not often have time for games and the like.

Dating an older woman can be an exciting and eye opening chance for both parties. It allows a breath of fresh air in the life of the older woman and a bit of stability and excitement for the younger man. Both parties can benefit from a dating relationship and whether found over the Internet or set up by a matchmaker there is plenty of people open to mixed aged relationships. The once taboo action of dating and older woman has become an accepted practice in society and there is no reason why two people with an age gap can’t find love.

Allan Tan is an experienced writer on seeking dating and relationships. He has been writing for many years and has had many articles published. Some of Allan’s most favorite topics to write on include single professionals, mature daters, relationships, and matchmaking. Allan’s articles are well written and memorable. They are especially great for anyone looking to begin dating and still keep up with their daily activities.

Older Dating: Getting Men OUt of their Caves

SajaDuarte — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 08:08:09 +0000

Older Dating: Getting Men OUt of their Caves

HOW TO GET OLDER MEN OUT OF THEIR CAVES AND BACK ON THE ROMANCE SCENE

Relationship expert and counsellor, Barbara Bloomfield, has spent the last year researching for her book, The Relate Guide to Finding Love. Here, she looks at the challenges and offers tips to older daters in their 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond.

Older folk don’t want to be thought of as older folk. They see themselves as the liberated generation – free, unburdened and ready for adventure. It may be a marketing agency’s dream but many mature daters know that 60 is the new 40, 70 is the new 50 and, for all I know, 80 the new 60! Whatever your years, age is no barrier to finding new love and companionship.

Grey power is growing: by the year 2030 there are predicted to be more than 1.3 million people over 90 in the UK population.

There are plenty of ways to increase your circle of friends and meet the kind of people you like:

Search through your address book and phone people you haven’t spoken to in years. Most people like to get a phone call but it’s easy to get out of the habit of being sociable.
Ask your relatives and friends to think of single people who might like to meet you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and they will admire your chutzpah for asking!
Think about what you love doing, be it gardening, days out or reading books, and join a group or local course so you can do that activity with like-minded people. The University of the Third Age (www.u3a.org.uk) helps people over 55 to gain new skills. This is a great place to start and costs just a few pounds a year to join because members share their skills with each other rather than paying for tutors. If you are able to access the Internet, the U3A runs ‘virtual’ or online groups which are useful for those who live in isolated places or find it harder to get out and about.
Your local librarian, Age Concern or local authority might be able to suggest other groups that would be stimulating and where you’d meet like-minded people, such as Workers’ Educational Authority networks. Local councils often provide free or very low-cost courses, groups and facilities.
If you live in sheltered housing or have a community of friends nearby, there’s nothing to stop you making a group booking at a theatre or a coach booking for a day trip and getting a discount.

Outdated ideas about courtship can be the older person’s worst enemy when it comes to new love. Remember that women can ask men out these days; it doesn’t have to be the other way round! Try being daring: when you see someone you like, invite them round for coffee along with a small group of friends; this should stop the atmosphere from feeling forced or overwhelming. If you can plan to sit next to them, you can find out more about them in a relaxed environment.

The Internet has shrunk the world and brought it into our living rooms. Older romance-seekers may be surprised by the variety of online agencies, chat rooms and organisations designed to bring older people together. A significant proportion of ‘silver surfers’ has personal Internet access or can access a computer via community rooms or libraries. If you don’t use the Internet but would like to learn, contact your local library for details of free courses.

If you use a search engine and enter words like ‘older’, ‘mature’, ‘dating’ and ‘UK’, up will pop a large number of sites especially for love-seekers over 55. Some companies that run dating services for all age groups will have particular services dedicated to mature clients. Other Internet dating sites also run a personal introduction agency where you travel to an office for an interview with a ‘matchmaker’ who takes into account your interests and preferences and promises to find you a certain number of dates over a six-month or twelve-month period.

Among the opportunities for placing or answering personal ads, Saga magazine stands out with its lively romance-seekers column, while The Lady is a more traditional magazine which contains ads for companions.

Where are the Mature Men?

The biggest challenge for women over 55 is to attract men back into romance. Older men may feel they don’t have the skills to find another partner, or worry that it might be upsetting to the memory of their late partner. Mature women tend to have better social skills and be more flexible in their requirements of a new friendship.

Often it’s a long time since either party faced the challenges associated with courtship. Dating experts say that men in mature age groups may not know how to have a friendship without sex so can appear rather insensitive if the woman doesn’t immediately want to get into a sexual relationship. This can result in women having a rather low opinion of men or in men looking for a ‘younger model’.

Agencies that match mature daters report that men frequently want to recapture their youth by getting attached to a much younger partner. These age-imbalanced relationships are sometimes driven by a search for financial and emotional security by the woman. However, as we often see at Relate, large age differences that seem unimportant in the first excitement of meeting a new partner can cause great tensions later on because each partner is at a different life stage; for example, one partner is retired while the other is still at the height of their career.

DAPHNE (70) told me: After two years of grieving for my husband’s death, I put a lot of energy into meeting new people, via friends, a dating agency with a social club attached to it and now I’m on the Internet. To be honest, there aren’t enough available men and I feel I am competing with younger women. I’ve been on three dates and all of them were pleasant. I was surprised when the gentlemen didn’t call back even when they said they would – it seemed impolite, somehow. I also met a man who seemed to want a housekeeper right away wanted to know when I could move in. That put me off – I have no intention of living with someone again, especially not as a housekeeper! But it’s early days so fingers crossed.

It might be a hangover from earlier decades when it was regarded as rude to ask a person’s age, but mature daters seem to be cagey about how old they are. It’s an issue that comes up, time and again, among romance-seekers over 50. You’ll notice in the personal ads that men seem to want to date women younger than themselves, while women tend to either have no preference regarding age or seek someone around their own age. This difference in expectations contributes to the apparent shortage of men in the over-50s age group. It is socially sanctioned for men to date younger women – the extreme example of this is the ‘trophy wife’ – but it’s getting more common for older women to date considerably younger men.

The main complaint among mature daters is of those who lie about their age. You can fib about your age on an e-mail or in an advert but it’s not a good start to a relationship if someone looks you in the eye and claims to be a lot younger than they are. They may look younger and they may act younger, but the lack of honesty may cause doubts to form in the date’s mind.

John, 54, was taken with Mandy’s profile and they seemed to have the same love of travelling in Greece. In fact, they got on really well when they met in person. John found Mandy to be charming and youthfully attractive. However, she confessed over dinner that she was not 49 but, in fact, was going to be 61 next birthday. Despite their obvious compatibility, John felt he would never consider settling down with a woman older than himself. He didn’t know why, but he felt strongly about it, and thought if she was willing to lie about this, what else might she be dishonest about? They never did get to see the Greek islands together.

Sex in Later Life

Making love with a new partner can be wonderful and just the thing to keep both people feeling young and alive. Lovemaking doesn’t have to be about swinging from the chandeliers (though don’t let anyone stop you!); it can be about tenderness and companionship as well as passion. In the end, it’s about what feels right for you as an individual and as a couple.

Don’t let a lack of confidence about your body put you off. Take a light-hearted approach – remove the spectacles and turn the lights down low – and just go with the flow. But if you feel you don’t want to have sex, it’s not obligatory. Lots of mature relationships are platonic, built on companionship and shared interests. Don’t forget that older men may worry about their ability to hold an erection or their attractiveness just as much as women may worry about the loss of a good figure.

Pros and Cons of Mature Dating

Here are some advantages of a new relationship later in life:

The chance to find love and companionship again.
A chance to restart a loving, sexual relationship.
Sociability. ‘I feel happier and less lonely with a partner.’
He knows you already. ‘Reconnecting with someone I first knew when I was 18 makes me feel young again.’
Shared memories. ‘He remembers my mother and father. We love reminiscing about the old neighbourhood where we lived.’
Male companion. ‘It’s lovely to feel protected by a man who can look after travel arrangements and lend you an arm.’
Best of both worlds. ‘We each have our own flat and don’t want to live together.’
Help with living. ‘I do the DIY and she does the cooking. It suits us both.’
Financial support. ‘Pooling our resources means we’re much better off.’
Family benefits. ‘We’ve both expanded our network by getting to know the other’s children and grandchildren.’
Health. ‘We can look after the other if one of us feels unwell.’

And here are a few disadvantages:

Compromise. ‘It’s hard to compromise after all these years of being independent.’
Loyalty. ‘Would it be disloyal to the memory of my wife if I married again?’
Fear. ‘I couldn’t go through the pain of losing another partner.’ ‘I’m concerned about what will happen if one of us gets ill.’
Confidence. ‘At my age, I don’t think anyone will want me.’
Stuck in patterns. ‘He’s very rigid about everything. We can’t go out on Thursdays because he has to organise the garage.’
Loss of freedom. ‘I’ve got used to pleasing myself about where I go and how I behave.’
Finances. ‘My children are concerned about my lady friend inheriting my property, which is going to cause bad feeling.’
Families. ‘We spend a lot of time with her family and I don’t particularly like them.’
Sex. ‘I’m worried that he’ll look for a younger model and won’t fancy me.’
Sex, again. ‘At my age, I don’t want to have sex!’
Libido. ‘She wants to make love regularly but I’m not up to it.’
Chores. ‘He expects me to do all the cooking now.’

Spend some time writing about what you want from a new relationship, adding some pros and cons from your own experience, before deciding on your strategy for getting to know some interesting new people. If you need help, contact me at for email or personal support to find someone special.

Barbara Bloomfield has been a Relate (marriage guidance) counsellor and supervisor since 1994. She wrote The Dating Game for London Weekend Television and The Enemy Within for RKP, a best-seller. Barbara teaches creative writing at Bath Spa University and runs workshops on therapeutic writing.

Online Dating For Seniors – How To Find That Special Someone And Keep Safe

SajaDuarte — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 07:03:32 +0000

Online Dating For Seniors – How To Find That Special Someone And Keep Safe

Dating is fun at any age. And the avenues for meeting other singles continue to expand. One such avenue is online dating for seniors and people over 50. In fact there are dating services dedicated to this age group.

Older singles often approach the dating scene with hesitation if not trepidation. This need not be, for an older heart gets as lonely as a young one, though an older one can deal with this with more maturity.

No, dating does not get any easier with age. The same angst you had on a first date back in the days will still announce its presence today.

But the good thing is this; with right precautions and good old commonsense, online dating for seniors can be fun and safe, even more so than traditional dating.

The world of mature online dating is teeming with available singles. And they come from all walks of life. Some are widowed, others are divorced and yet others have delayed marriage for various reasons, including career considerations. How do you connect with all those all singles?

The first thing you should do is sign up with a reputable dating site. Assuming that you’re neither a cougar nor a sugar daddy (excuse the labels), you should sign up with a specialty dating site for older people. And unless money is really a problem, you should avoid free sites. Why?

You see, free sites do not offer as much security and customer support as paid site. Also with free dating sites, there is paper trail. Any small-time crook or con artist can sign up with a fake name and post a fake personal profile with stolen picture. In fact, many scammers have been known to specifically target older people because they are presumably more desperate and vulnerable.

This is not to say that you are one hundred per cent safe in a paid site, but the fact that the person can be traced through a credit card should be more reassuring.

Why should you sign up with a senior dating site and not a general site? Are there no older singles in general dating services and don’t the popular general dating services have bigger membership databases?

Sure, you can use the advance search features in general dating sites to narrow down your search down to certain demographics. But the advantage of using specialty online dating services for seniors is that virtually everyone on that site is looking for a partner of the same age group. The field is already narrowed down for you.

Also, senior online dating services are designed for ease of use. The developers understand the challenges that many of this age group encounter and provide as much assistance and helpful features as possible.

However, just signing up with online dating sites of seniors is not enough ensure success. You need to set yourself apart from the others and stand out from the crowd. How can you do this?

Well, the one thing that will set you apart is your personal profile. Start by posting a good photo of yourself as you look like today. Do not post a photo that was taken during your younger days, however flattering this might seem.

Next, write your profile in a way that shows your individuality and uniqueness. Being older, you have certain unique and interesting experiences. These should come through in your profile. But do your best to avoid the appearance of bragging.

You should also be proactive and initiate contact with others rather than just sit and wait to be contacted. Initiate contact regularly, but avoid a “kid in candy store” mentality: do not try to contact too many people too fast.

Take time and read the other person’s profile as this will give you an idea of what to say in your initial email or instant message. The other person will also like the fact that you actually read their profile, therefore increasing the odds of getting a response.

And while you’re at it, don’t forget that you are dealing with strangers. This is a mistake some people make once they have been communicating with another person for a while. They begin to feel like they know the other person and let down their guard, sometimes with dire results. And never give out personal information until you are fairly comfortable with the person.

Online dating for seniors can be fun. Even better, it can bring you together with the person of your dreams. You just have to get started.

Now find reputable senior dating sites and choose the right one for you. David Kamau is offers dating service reviews at his website and blog.

Cyber-Dating Expert Announces Line-Up of Guests for Online Dating Radio Show

SajaDuarte — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 06:04:19 +0000

Cyber-Dating Expert Announces Line-Up of Guests for Online Dating Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Season Premiere Kicks Off on January 9, 2010 with OkCupid. Valentine’s Edition to Feature Love Expert and Bestselling Author, Dr. Diana Kirschner.

Cyber-Dating Expert and bestselling author, Julie Spira will help singles find love online in 2010. Spira will feature a variety of online dating sites and bestselling relationship authors on her radio program, ‘Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert.’

“With Valentine’s Day around the corner, singles are joining online dating sites in record numbers,” says Spira. She adds, “It’s my goal to fully arm singles with the tools they need to be successful in finding love online.”

The radio show host will kick off the 2010 season with Sam Yagan, CEO of the free online dating site, OkCupid.com. The Boston Globe calls OkCupid, ‘The Google of Online Dating.’ The New York Post says OkCupid is, ‘A Perfect Example of the Web 2.0 Revolution.’

Spira wants to make sure her Valentine’s special edition is one to remember. She will be featuring Dr. Diana Kirschner, author of ‘Love in 90 Days.’ Dr. Diana’s paperback version will be released on February 8th and will include a new chapter on Dating Games Men Play. Dr. Diana is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Good Morning America, and Access Hollywood.

“Julie Spira is a fantastic resource for singles with her dynamic, must-listen radio show. She presents cutting-edge info that is enormously helpful to people who are wading through the complex maze of the online dating world.” ~Dr. Diana Kirschner

The 2010 line-up of guests for Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show will include:

OkCupid – Sam Yagan, CEO

YourTango – Tom Miller, Columnist, Tomfoolery

Lovetropolis.com – Michael Lombard, CEO

True.com – Herb Vest, CEO and Founder

‘The Naked Truth Dating Secrets’ – David Wygant, Dating Expert

‘Love in 90 Days’ – Diana Kirschner, Author

Skout – Christian Wiklund, CEO

iCougar.com – Lucia, Cougar Relationship Expert

‘Textflirting’ – Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz, Authors

‘He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing)’ – Andrea Syrtash, Author

Blackbox Republic – Sam Lawrence, CEO

eLove.com – Paul Falzone, CEO

‘Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show’ airs on Saturdays at 2:00 PM, Eastern Time on BlogTalkRadio. To listen to the program, call 646-929-0012 or visit CyberDatingExpert dot com.

About Julie Spira
Julie Spira is known worldwide as The Cyber-Dating Expert™. She is the author of the bestseller, ‘The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.’ She has appeared as a frequent guest in the media for her expertise on the subject of online dating including FOX News, Cyberguy, CosmoRadio, BBC Radio, Men’s Health, SHEKNOWS, Crain’s New York Business, Glamour.com, and E! Spira is the LA Dating Advice columnist on Examiner.com, a contributor to The Huffington Post, and is a dating expert on DateDaily.com.

Julie Spira empowers singles in the Internet dating scene and successfully creates Irresistible online dating profiles for her private clients.

Visit her at CyberDating Expert [dot] com for dating advice and where singles and couples can share their online dating stories.

About The Perils of Cyber-Dating
Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira shares her hilarious, witty, and heartfelt stories in this romantic tell-all memoir spanning over 250 dates in 15 years in cyberspace. Starting when she became the first on her block to put up an online dating profile, the book combines both the author’s fairytale romances and heartbreaks along with her personal rules of netiquette. Learn from an Internet industry pro who had to start her life all over again.

http://www.cyberdatingexpert.com

Source:
http://www.1888pressrelease.com/cyber-dating-expert-announces-line-up-of-guests-for-online-d-pr-175665.html

http://www.cyberdatingexpert.com

Catching A Cougar

SajaDuarte — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 21:05:05 +0000

Catching A Cougar

So what should men know about the realities of dating older women? First off, realize that a woman has as much right as a man to like someone younger. Men often refer to older women dating younger men as “cougars,” with the meaning of cougar being a sexy older woman who is typically over age 40; intelligent, financially independent, has a powerful career and knows what she wants and allows herself the freedom to seek out younger men. These sexy alpha females have heard all the lines and know all the moves.

Some good things about this type of relationship are that older women are not only financially independent, very mature ladies, but they are usually better lovers and won’t mess with your head. Older ladies dating younger men are typically not high maintenance women and they tend to know how to appreciate the true things in life. They don’t value materialistic ideals and you can have deep conversations with them.

As you meet these sexy cougars, make sure you establish what you’re looking for before you get involved. There’s a pretty strong chance that a real cougar has a few relationships under her belt and she’s likely to have had her fill of men telling her what to do. Not every older woman is dying to get back into the dating game again, and instead she may just be looking for a fling or horny matches. To find the ideal older woman, you must realize this. If you’re looking for more, you should maybe look elsewhere. However, if you’re wanting something more casual, this could work for you, too.

Men who date cougars must also realize that there’s an increased chance that an older woman already has a family of her own. As mentioned, a great deal of older women are completely accomplished professionally; however, there are some that have chosen to focus their attention on raising a family and are unlikely to not have financial independence. Either way, you have to to be aware that she comes as part of a package deal and when dating a single mom, you could fall into second place in her life. If she is single again with no family of her own, consider her plans to start a family. Remember, her biological clock is pounding really fast and the older a woman gets, the less likely her chances of conceiving. If she has no plans of starting a family, realize that there may be a chance she just wants to have fun with a young, energetic man without having to worry about having children. In itself, this doesn’t have to be a problem, but go into it with your eyes wide open, and make sure it’s what you want.

With women peaking sexually later in life and men peaking earlier, it could put you in perfect sync with each other. If you’re used to a less-experienced younger babes, be prepared to be told what she wants and how she wants it. You may not be in the driver’s seat, but that could turn out to be a good thing!

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Dating Mature Women

SajaDuarte — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 19:05:17 +0000

Dating Mature Women

Korea is undergoing a remarkable change in its society’s attitude towards guys marrying older women. Historically, it has been socially unacceptable for a younger man to date an older woman. Not surprisingly for some, there is some logical basis for this cultural phenomenon.

For men, there was a natural instinct to enjoy younger female company. From a physical perspective, they did not want a woman who was aging faster than they were. There was also some belief that as men grew older the chances of infidelity were much higher if they married an older woman.

For women, they did not want a spouse who was more like a “baby brother.” Rather, they were seeking a pillar that will be able to support and show leadership and guidance. Women wanted an older brother!

So what’s the deal in the West? Is dating or marrying older women still a mole on the face of society here, too? Does anybody notice? Like with some moles, depending on where they are on the face, they can go unnoticed, or even enhance physical attractiveness. Marilyn Monroe, for example, comes to mind?

I think without a doubt that Western society is much more accepting of “out of the norm” behavior than our Eastern counterparts. With Westerners, anything goes. You really are living in the Wild, Wild, West.

But, funny enough, I still hear a lot of talk about it. Dating mature women does get attention, even in a country where being gay has become mainstream.

For example, we’ve got Demi Moore, 45 and Aston Kucher, 29. Most would say “Go Aston!” Demi Moore is HOT! In the West, an attractive older woman is known as a “cougar.” I know a lot of guys who would kill for the chance to date a cougar! Cougars are known to be masters in the bedroom, so they say. Grrowwl.

If I were a betting man, though, I’d still put money on the table and claim that most women today prefer to date and marry an older guy. Many women have a preconceived romantic image of the knight in shining armor, with Tarzan’s body, Richard Gere’s style, and a dollar more than Bill Gates.

So is it socially acceptable to date a significantly older or younger person regardless of gender and is there a debate going on about this issue?

Firstly, I think it’s a matter of chemistry. If two people really dig one another, who cares what their chronology is? The people in the relationship certainly don’t and we really don’t care either right?

Secondly, there probably is no debate. What’s there to debate about if a couple live happily ever after?

I suspect that the debate in Korea, however, is getting pretty heated, though. It has to be. Korea has a 5,000 year history and the social norms are deep rooted in ancient traditions and those mature enough to be considered cougars are probably far too embedded in the culture to take the leap.

Clearly, though, there have been breakthroughs, since the trend is recognized here now. That doesn’t mean it won’t continue to cause some ruffle in the feathers, it definitely will.

Cross-chronological dating – a relationship where people are of significantly different ages – is going to remain a popular point of conversation for a long time, in Korea, I suspect and most likely for most of the Eastern and Western hemisphere of this planet.

And why will this be so?

Because social acceptance of cross-chronological (kind of rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?) and other unique types of human relationships, is fun to watch and more importantly, fun to gossip about. Now that’s what it really comes down to doesn’t it?

Jim Lim | Seoul Mate | Social Commentator |
30 Something | Married